You're not going to lose me because right now I know I cant leave all my problems behind without trying to get through them, but I think about it every single day. Yes I'm broken. Yes, I'm ashamed of myself. Yes, I feel guilty and yes, sometimes I dont wanna live anymore and I'm tired, I'm just so tired of not being 'normal'. I need to make some blood come out to feel 'happy', I cant sleep well, I cant be as good as I wanted at school because I cant focus on things. I'm fucked up, you know? My whole life is fucked up and sometimes, I think I dont deserve it, but maybe I do. Somehow I want to change that, but I dont know if I can. I dont know if I should, because sometimes pain's better than feeling nothing at all. There's a big hole inside me, inside my heart and I cant take it out, but I cant live like this anymore, yet suicide is not an option anymore. I just need to change things, but I dont like those stupid appointments, they're not doing any good. I thought they would but they dont. Cutting or throwing up is not a big problem, isnt it? It's what makes me feel good, so why take that way from me? I can stop sometimes, yes, sometimes I cant, so what? I need it to feel good, and I need it to turn things around. Still, I'm not going to leave you, ok? If you want to talk to me about something, then talk. I'm here. maybe I'm not the best person to tell you what you need to read, but I'm sure as hell that I can read everything and at least, try to help you, no matter what. You became a friend and you're helping me in ways that some people cant, so thank you, and dont worry about me, I'll be fine, I guess.
to: naima.
